When something doesn’t happens according to our expectations, or is not going as smoothly as we’d like it to go, we tend to label it almost automatically and unconsciously as: hard, impossible, problematic. If we treat this statement as a hypothesis, that a certain thing (dating, weight-loss, working out, studying, your job, maintaining relationships, saving money, etc.) is hard, I’m pretty sure that we could come up with many-many arguments in favor of this assumption. But at the same time we could come up at least with twice as many arguments opposing it. And these are the arguments that are actually worth to consider.
But despite of all the facts in favor of the assumption: do they help us to achieve what we want? To change what we want?
Because when you say that dating/finding a good partner is hard, your biggest desire is to actually find someone = you desire that thing not to be hard. When you say that working out is hard, your biggest desire is to change your body/to be fitter = you want it to be easy.
I’m sure you all heard at least once somebody telling (probably you told or at least thought it once too) that “I can’t help thinking like that/having this mindset about a certain issue, because you know.. that’s my experience with it”.
You know what? If I would let my experiences decide my faith, than:
- I would probably share the same belief and opinion about men as an uncountable number of women, that: all of them is the same (which means 80 % of them is an asshole). Because you know, I can’t help it, that’s my experience.. (bullshit, I know that there are normal guys on Earth, they are just sort of rare. So what. Keep on searching.)
- probably I wouldn’t believe in love
- I would accept that there are things that I could probably change, but there is no point to that, since I’m stuck in a cycle, where the same scenario happens over and over again, there’s always some kind of hamartia* (a word I learned from John Green, but what I have in mind here are not metaphorical smoking issues of a teenage boy, but: distance, misunderstanding, another girl/guy who messes things up, or some other ill-wisher)
- I wouldn’t believe that I could be a good writer.. or a writer at all
- or that after several shots calling that guy is perhaps not the best idea
But fortunately that’s not the way I am (for the last example unfortunately would be more precise, but anyway, that’s not the point here).
You know what I think about this? That it’s nonsense. Because the only thing we have under our control in situations like this is HOW WE FEEL ABOUT THEM. This is the only thing we can actually influence (a term that I used in a previous post would be pretty accurate for this: illusionist of feelings. Learn from my mistakes and don’t be one.)
We neglect this so much – to regularly “check in” to our inner world, while it’s easy to do so on Facebook and Instagram on a daily basis. It’s easy for us to waste a couple of hours on social media, it requires no effort – while spending that amount of time with your deepest thoughts and feelings does. And it’s not that easy. It’s important to have an antivirus in your pc/laptop to protect it from all the trash you scroll through day by day – but your feelings and thoughts need one as well (it actually needs it more than your pc, for sure.) The difference is that this system is a little bit more complex, you can’t just download or buy a cool antivirus program that the nerd guy from school recommended.. no, for this system you will need a much stronger antivirus: you’ll need YOURSELF. Because no one else will take care of your inner files, of all the stuff that you piled up during the last months/years – from time to time it’s good to have a clear-up. We are home for too many viral thoughts and feelings, that you have to clean out from yourself or: get rid of them for good.
Those contents in you, that you don’t check up on regularly will only cause stress, tension, anxiety and nothing more. And you know what’s the biggest problem with that? (besides the obvious): THAT THEY DON’T SERVE US. DON’T HELP US. THEY DON’T LEAD US FORWARD.
Nothing is as hard that you cannot change the WAY YOU PERCEIVE IT.
Just look at all those people (I bet you know some like that) who perceive difficulties, failures, problems as.. well, not as a good situation, but at least as a not-so-terrible-sort-of-strange-but-interesting-experience. Which will perhaps turn into a funny story later: maybe awkward and weird, but at least funny. This is what they will say when they just experienced their worst date ever, when they failed at an exam, when they get into a shameful situation in front of everyone because of some unlucky coincidence or because of last night’s slightly embarrassing evidences of them being drunk.
You have to recognize these things and question them: is it really that hard? Or can I make it easier? Think, analyize, then go WORK ON IT. Look at the other (brighter) side of possibilities: is there a way I can enjoy this otherwise scary-awkward-hard situation? A way I can make the most of it?
Look around, this society is full of people who always criticize and complain – don’t make it even worse. Stand out from the crowd.
Question yourself. Influence what you can. Change where you can. In the past, I asked you not to be illusionists of feelings – now I ask the same from you, just in a slightly different context. Use what you posses – because this is your biggest power.
*hamartia (noun): a tragic flaw
Images: Pinterest, Weheartit