Illusionist of feelings

We are all responsible for our actions. And although I believe in the power of words more than in anything else, actions have a much louder echo. 
Sometimes we don’t understand the reasons of our actions, which can be so reckless sometimes, that it forces us to cast doubt upon our faith in ourselves, or in the person we thought we were. 

About half a year ago or perhaps more I decided not to regret anything anymore. Mainly because in most of the cases I do regret the things I didn’t do – only because I feared the likely possibility that I might regret it later. And the other reason is this astonishingly inspiring TED talk – which is one of my favorites -,  where Kathryn Schulz talks about what regret can teach us and how important they are in order to grow. She talks about her biggest regret, which is her tattoo. Of course, this is not such a big thing, but it means a lot to her and that’s what matters. And also, this is a less dangerous or less harmful kind of regret, because nobody got hurt, except for Kathryn’s skin and assuredness. But there are much more serious imprudences, that can change other’s lives forever or affect it greatly. And if I think about it – although I made many mistakes, but who don’t? -,  I realize that I didn’t do anything I should feel regret for, because a) I didn’t hurt anybody with my actions, I didn’t cause any damage b) I didn’t play with other’s feelings c) I didn’t use anybody in any way, neither physically nor emotionally. 
Because these are those actions, which cannot be fixed, no matter how sugar-coated the words and promises are, or how regretful the looks are.

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Are you conscious about the relevance of your actions? Or the weight of their importance burns as fast in your heart and mind as the cigarette in your mouth? Monotonous moves following each other: you inhale it, you may even enjoy it for a second, and then it’s gone, just another dead stub on the lashings of unrealized lust and love. 

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Disappointment is like having a flu. After you went trough it many times, you think that it can’t throw you on the scrapheap again, that you know the initial symptoms very well, you know how to protect yourself the most efficiently. But it’s the same with the heart as with our immune system: after every recovery you feel stronger than ever before, you feel that your protecting layer changed from paper into titanium, which cannot be defeated by a simple cold, but than immediately it falls apart so quickly that you can do nothing about it, because you know that first you have to go through the fever in order to heal. But that’s okay, because you know, it’s always darkest before the dawn. And I have no regrets
And what about you? 

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One thought on “Illusionist of feelings

  1. Pingback: #inthemirror: Inner spring-cleaning, aka an emotional antivirusing guide for beginners – Blackbird

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